Verbal Poo, To Poo or Not To Poo in Public

I know,   😦   the title …I’m sorry, but not sorry enough to change it….

I would like to know from you guys.

What is acceptable when it comes to having negative rants on your blog?

I’ve tried to write an update on my medical issues for a while now but all that’s coming out is…well….verbal poo.

I understand venting and I think there is a level of degree difference between the two.

This internal struggle is causing me to not want to write here and silence is all I have to offer when I try to post.

I didn’t really start writing this blog to please an audience though I knew eventually I would have one and that would change the direction of this space a bit.

I have received some feed back in the past that writing about anguish to release it can lead to upsetting other people because they came to read something else.

Sometimes people have felt burdened by my insistent complaining about my woes.

I know friends are not for dumping on.

I also believe friends do help carry the load.

I would not want to see someone else suffering alone.  I would try to help even if all I could do was listen and nod my head in empathy.

I have even done that for strangers.  I’ve prayed with them too.

Does that make me different than most?

Do most not want to hear the pains of others?

I can’t stop this one…

It seems I’m determined to say something about my medical frusrtations…I’m sorry.

If you don’t want to hear it just skip this post..

~

I’ve used Blogging 101 to put a superficial coating on my posts so I didn’t have to get too personal right now because all the personal is mostly bad.  I’m hurting and I’m pissed and I’m repeating the mistakes of my past all over again with the pills though I tried not to, I ended up here anyway and I’m fiending for recovery support that tells me that it’s okay to NEED the pills right now because there is something wrong!  I want someone to say it’s not my fault that the doc is taking 5 months plus to test me for everything under the sun while she puts me on this and that and then takes me off to put me on this or that else.  I want a sponsor to say that I can take these pills because it’s the only way to handle living with the pain until they get off the pot and do something to fix me….what if there is no way to fix me?  What if what I’m experiencing is more of the Fibromyalgia stuff and there is no “cure”?  Am I then entitled to a regimen of pain meds without being called an addict?  I made those pill last over a month past the refill date.  I carefully scrutinized my every dose, making sure I was not taking it for fun but because I was in excruciating pain that was impeding my need to perform simple tasks like getting up to use the restroom or standing to cook food or wash dishes. Bending for doing laundry has been out of the question, so has picking things up off the floor.  The twisting and pulling back and forth of the vacuum or the broom or the mop.. out of the question too.  I’ve needed help for a while and I’m getting – here take this and you’ll feel better.  I feel sick and when that’s over the pain is back.  I condition myself to endure the sick and then my tolerance builds….Addiction…..but I feel it has been forced, that I have no other options or even that they tricked me by saying this is less than that so it’s better…it never was, to someone like me it’s all poison eventually,.. isn’t it?

My doc said my MRI came back clear.  She said I had a small bulge but it wasn’t pressing on anything so I was fine.  She gave me copies of the final report and I am going to share them with you…tell me if you think I have a right to be frustrated.

I know it’s not huge and that I could be in a lot worse condition but I still think it is not okay to tell the patient(me) there is “nothing important” on the MRI.

And combined with my Fibro, this could explain all the pain, couldn’t it?

So chronic pain what do I do with that?  How do I explain (understand myself) that I need(?) pain meds and that my addiction is not controlling me, nor will it be.

Or am I just fooling myself?

~

I’m sorry if this is verbal poo.

 I started this blog to speak my mind so that I could maybe find others who shared my views, opinions and/or struggles.

I don’t know if I have any like-minded readers, but if I do…

if you’re out there…

Can you tell me if it’s okay to verbally poo here when I need to rant about my medical treatment?

Taking a big breath and pressing publish is all that’s left to do.

I hope this is received with compassion, empathy, and love,

whoever and wherever you are.

~Pixie

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9 thoughts on “Verbal Poo, To Poo or Not To Poo in Public

  1. Sorry Pixie – I’m no where near qualified to express an opinion or observation on something I know nothing about. However, based on what you’ve said, it appears that there is a communication problem between you and your doctor. You have questions and concerns that aren’t being answered in a meaningful way.

    If it was me, I would have someone I trust to accompany me to talk to my doctor. You need another person to help you ask the relevant questions and listen to what is being said.
    If you still aren’t satisfied, seek another opinion.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Joanne. I think that’s good advice. Maybe I’ll ask my husband to join me next time. I asked for an advocate to help me navigate through all the appointments and things and they are supposed to call tomorrow. I will get through this to find better health, better life. Thanks for the supportive words, they are nice to hear. 🙂

      Like

      • You’re welcome.

        It sounds like you have a complicated health history – and chronic pain on top of it. For those reasons, you should always have someone with you in your appointments to help you ‘hear’ everything being said.
        You have a lot of stuff on your mind trying to manage your issues, understand what you’re being told, and formulate followup questions all at the same time. That’s where the 2nd person comes in.

        I recently had to do that for a friend who was feeling a little overwhelmed by her visits with a specialist. When I was with her, she was able to sit and listen while I asked most of the questions. We then talked afterwards to compare ‘notes’ on what we thought we had heard. She was immensely relieved by the process because it took a huge burden off her shoulders trying to do it alone.

        Hope it helps! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • That was very kind of you to do that for her. You are a good friend! I will try that. I hope I get good results from it like you mentioned you and your friend had. It would be nice to find some positive results for a change.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Pixie, sorry to hear that you are in pain. It can be very frustrating when doctors are not giving you the answers that you want, or you’re not sure which doctor to go to for the ‘right’ answers. I can really relate to that. I’m no doctor, as I’ve stated on my blog, but just a thought – could it perhaps be a trapped nerve? Someone I know (yes, really not me!) had problems with her spine, and also has discs that are degenerating, and her tests were considered ‘normal’. Fortunately, it was discovered that she has a trapped nerve, and that was causing extreme pain. Not sure whether that is at all relevant to your situation – just a thought.
    I wish you well in your diagnosis and recovery 🙂

    Like

    • Thanks for the suggestion, I will bring that up in my next appointment. It may just be relevant to what’s going on, it sure sounds similar. I’ll have more to report tomorrow after my appointment with my Doc. It’s so kind of you to offer your support. It’s good to have friends that help me smile when the chips are down. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think, that if you feel the need to write about something, then you should do it! After all it’s your personal blog, isn’t it? There will be some people, who won’t want to read some of the posts, but there are such people, whatever it is you’re writing about. On the other hand, how else would you find someone, who’s going through something similar, if you don’t write about your problems?

    Also, I’m a bit familiar with the self-help groups stuff and from what I know, if you feel the need to talk to a sponsor, you should go for it. Addiction manifests itself in many ways, one of them being not seeking help, when you really need it. I’m sure you know all of this yourself, I just wanted to say it in order to support you.

    Like

    • Thanks for the words of support 😉 I like your perspective about being able to connect with others and that some people will skip a post no matter what its about.

      I also think you are right about finding a sponsor for the addiction. I haven’t needed support on that in a long time and I live in a different place so some footwork may be required but I talked with a patient advocate today and now I’m looking at joining a 30 week class about recovery offered through my doc’s office. I take your comment as confirmation that I’m on the right track. 🙂

      Like

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