Thinking About My New Parkinson’s Diagnosis

Have you ever been traveling and looked out the side window?  Did you ever try to train your eyes on an object and follow it as you zinged by at high-speed?  If you have, you might have seen something like this:

Layers of Quickened Confusion (1280x851)

or perhaps this…

Night Moves (1280x568)

These pictures show somewhat how I feel my life has progressed this week.  Some of the things I’ve seen are definable but when I try to focus in on the detail all that is revealed is blurred motion.  I can’t believe this is happening to me.  I want to reject it as a mistaken diagnosis but I know I cant deny all the symptoms I have and now I know, through medical documentation, they are real and not something I’m just hypochondriacing about.  Then I find myself back to thinking- I can’t believe this is happening to me.

I decided to check out some blogs about Parkinson’s and realized, though not what my doc called it, I more accurately have YOPD, Young Onset Parkinson’s Disease.  I didn’t find many blogs dedicated to either, PD or YOPD…I didn’t look for very long.  Again…as I read things that aligned with my own experiences I went back to- I can’t believe this is happening to me.  Same story when I Googled Online Support Groups.  I read about others falling and remembered my first fall, at the time I was holding my daughter who was three and we fell over an entryway stair.  I lost my ability to walk about a week later.  That flare up was the worst I’ve had so far.  I was unable to walk for two weeks and even resorted to the use of a wheelchair when I was forced to leave my house.  Then I was told it was Sciatica.  I’ve lost my walking ability twice more since and I’ve fallen numerous times now.  I eventually couldn’t read anymore, reaching my saturation point and needing to let my mind rest for a bit to process what I identified with and what it now means for my life.

The next day I educated myself about the medicine I was prescribed.  I know the doc has my best interests at heart but it is the first medicine I’ve been too afraid to take.  The first side effect on the list that set me aback was the risk of increased tremor.  Ummm….No.  I don’t want the symptoms to be worse I want them to improve.  I get about one out of five photos that aren’t blurry from tremor already, I want to lessen that not increase it.  So I will call my doc to talk this over with her first.

This is how I feel right now.

This is how I feel right now.

I will grow through this dark place to find the light.

I hope you will join in my joys along the way,

wherever you are.